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My Profile

Gender: Female

Location: West Palm Beach

Orientation: Straight

Children: Maybe Someday

Body Type: Slim / Slender

Religion: Mind Your Own Business

Ethnicity: White / Caucasian

About Me: I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls or crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo men with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook 30-minute brownies in 20 minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large gl**** of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegr**** cello. I am the subject of numerous do****entaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend p****es. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise lost, Moby ****, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and all my bills are paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life, but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a spatula and a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. I frequently ride tandem bicycles by myself, and own a jock-strap but never wear it outside of my home. I do my 8 minute Abs video in 2 minutes and can move seamlessly between escalators.

Music: heavy metal, trance, techno, progressive house, house, cl****ic rock, rock, rush, ac/dc, filter, incubus to name a few. sinatra, big band, swing, slow, hip hop, and some pop. Just about everything except Britney Spears, or any of those other pop wonders.

Movies: mostly comedies and films about government agencies and their activities. Anything that has Will Ferrell in it = gold. If it makes me laugh, i love it. i honestly don't go to the movies very often, but that is just purely by cir****stance and has no reflection on my actual taste in leisure activities.

TV: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is the BEST show on TV. Also watch the Office, Family Guy, CSI: Las Vegas, and Prison Break.

Books: Everybody Poops. I read this in 1st grade and never looked back. I love this book so much i've read it more times than there are rocks.

Virtues: Who I'd like to meet: Genuine people. Interesting people. Funny people. People who sport mullets and rock out to Def Leppard. People who wear wife beaters, drink Coors, and drive old Camaros and Trans Ams. I'm also considering people who wear Hypercolor T-shirts and/or Z-cavaricci's. Hair Metal fans. I joke around a lot, but i do have a very serious side and i get serious when i need to be. I like it when people can catch up to my wits, as well as hold a stimulating conversation.

Heroes: Bono....i know, i know, different sex. to be honest, sex with him would be great too. but seriously, for what he does in the world, and where he stands in politics... his beliefs are what make him my heroe. Can't resist his music on top of it!