Dear Alcohol,

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work
cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays,  hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst
of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering  about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best
interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls:

While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of
substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those I know for a fact do not want to hear from me during the
day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating:

Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball
and some stale chips (washed down with WINE and topped off with a Kit-Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)?  I'm an eclectic
eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness:

Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue
home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black and blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day
are beyond me. As some people like to call them UDB (unidentified drunken bruise) similarly, it should never take me more than 45
seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore:

The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous.  I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be
in order, but the 3 pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable.  My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken
(water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to  sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily activities.

5. Monster + vodka + me = BAD.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of
great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my
pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and please address them immediately.  I
will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3 pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful
partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

I am so tired of tax season - I'm not done yet & there is only what, 2 weeks left? OMG- not enough time. Of course, I am goofing off & should be entering invoices & totals & spreadsheets & getting the forms filled out & filing....but who wants to do that when you can blog on wildspace instead?

Happy Thursday :)